Toddlers Without Tiaras

… tales of my threenager

You want me to what?

Last week we had an unexpected trip to the Doctor’s Office.  Big Sis told us it hurt to go to the bathroom and would cry when she tried.  Panic set in.  What is she has a UTI?  (I also questioned why her visits to the Doctor always seem to coincide with my plans to visit friends on the weekend.)

The Nurse recommended we pump her full of fluids and make our way over to the office immediately.  Upon our arrival the Nurse handed me a cup and asked me to collect my Threenager’s urine … midstream.  Yeah … that’s going to happen!  If I manage to get the 3-year-old on to the potty, and I manage to convince her to pee in a cup, I’m going to wait for the midstream urine?

Big Sis willingly follows me into the bathroom.  The Nurse asks me if I want gloves. I declined.  After a year in which my daughter frequently slipped in her own pee, covering herself head-to-toe during her 12 month Potty Training adventure, gloves hardly seemed necessary.

You want me to what? That is so not happening ...

You want me to what?
That is so not happening …

We were on track – or at least we were on track until we closed the door.  I am surprised my Doctor didn’t call the Social Worker after hearing my daughter’s blood curdling screams from the bathroom.  It was hard enough to keep her on the toilet, let alone, trying to keep her on the toilet while holding a cup in the ready position.  After 2 minutes I gave up.  We returned to the waiting room, avoided making eye contact with the other patients in the waiting room, and continued to pump her full fluids.

Next up was Nana.  My daughter informed me that I was to stay put.  My mom gave me the “I’ve got this!” look.  One minute later they return.  Once again no luck.  (Secretly I was relieved.  Nana was a little too confident.  I feared I would have to live in her potty whisperer shadow if she had succeeded.)

We wait another 30 minutes.  By this time Big Sis has consumed almost 2 full water bottles. – She is 3.  Her bladder can’t be that big.  I know our time is close. –  I take her again.  I try holding her on the toilet, turning her sideways, promising her I will buy her any toy she wants … I was desperate!  Once again I fail and this time the screams are getting louder.  I’ve done all I can.  Back out to the waiting room!

Next the Nurse enters the room.  She is lovely.  She offers Big Sis Lollipops and Stickers if she will go to the bathroom.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?  I was willing to buy this kid a horse and she wouldn’t budge.  But for the Nurse – well that’s a different story.  Big Sis practically runs to the bathroom, does her  business, and returns to the lobby.  She collects her reward of 2 lollipops and 2 stickers and we go on our way. (Admittedly, I did not wait for the midstream.)

Good news, in the end she was OK. I hope I never have to go through that again – but I sense that is just wishful thinking.  I’m sure this is just the beginning of bizarre requests and untimely Doctor visits.

Wed, July 30 2014 » Doctor Visits, Potty Training

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